life

It has been extremely busy at our house actually a bit too busy. I have not had alot of time to blog because I changed locations for work and have a new position which is alot more work for me. I am still trying to adjust to that. I only used to drive like 2 miles to work now I am driving alot farther so that takes more time out of my day. I am still adjusting.

There has been alot that has gone on in my house over the last week or so. Back in October I started having problems with Marco. His grades started dropping, being really mouthy and just unhappy. He got his phone taken away at school 3 times in that month I had to pick it up from the school and I was not happy. I went thru his texts and found some things that I was not happy about. One text saying to his friend that he thought he was gay. I confronted him and of course he denied it. Since then I have noticed certain things about him that made me wonder but I didn't say anything. He asked to go to counseling back in December so we put him in counseling they did some testing and found out that he is ADHD and has alot of anxiety issues. Neither of them took me by surprise. I thought that was what we were dealing with so I was working with him to try to ease some of his anxiety. He just recently got a D on a progress report which he has never had one before. Sunday night we were sitting eating dinner just Me, Nick, Sarah and Dom Marco was at his youth group. I was talking to Dom about how he is so hairy and that I am shocked because he is lighter than Marco. Dom said mom maybe Marco shaves his legs... I said well if he shaves his legs then we have to talk. Then Dom said mom Marco is gay! I said how do you know??? He said he told me last night on FB. I was shocked and I should not have been because I seen the texts and the seed was planted. It was just strange for me because it was true. Marco was not gonna be home for 2 hours so I sat and waited. When he came home I confronted him and said I know I have asked you this before but I need to know the truth. When I asked he did not say anything and I then demanded an answer. He walked over to my bed knelt down and just cried. At that moment my heart was breaking for him because I thought to myself what a thing to carry around with you for so long. I assured him that no matter what I still loved him. The whole family came and told him the same. I think at this point it is so important for him to know he is loved and accepted. He was emotionally exhausted and went to bed. When he got up Monday for school he was the happiest I have seen him in months. For me I am happy he is happy but I feel like I am grieving a loss. A loss of what I had dreamed of for him. I know that sounds so selfish but that is the way I feel. At work Monday I kept crying on and off. I guess I feel stupid because now that I look back I can see it. I talked to his best friend on Monday after work and he told me that he kinda knew all along but Marco had told him in the summer. There are things that I didn't know probably because Marco didn't want me to know. Like the fact that he has befriended alot of gay friends at school but I don't know any of these kids. I am sure that was totally on purpose. It is hard for me right now it is an adjustment period. The funny thing is he made me promise not to tell his counselor and I said no that is what we are in counseling for so we went Tuesday night and it came out and the counselor was not surprised. It is just an ackward thing right now like Tuesday when we were getting ready to leave for counseling he was trying to pick my lip gloss color. Like I said it is an adjustment for everyone. He has always tried telling me what to wear and how to wear my make up I seriously didn't think anything of it I just thought he wanted me to look good LOL. I know stupid on my part because Dom would never do anything of the sort. So I have been praying alot and praying for guidance, mercy and grace. We will get thru this it will just take time. As for Marco I am glad he is feeling better!

On a sidenote the weather here has totally sucked for the last few weeks snow, snow and more snow dammit LOL. I want Spring! I sure hope everyone has a good weekend!