Shopping

I am always a proscratinator when it comes to doing anything. I work best under pressure... thats my moto LOL. My niece's wedding is a week from today. I finally went dress shopping last nite. I love to take Marco with me cuz he has such style. He had plans so I resorted to taking Nick with me. Dom works at this department store here and I get 25% off and I decided to take advantage of it. I have been eyeing a dress there for a few weeks and I was hoping they still had it. Oh and yesterday was Dom's 20th birthday so I decided to bring him cupcakes to work... I know cheesy but I did it. We get up in the dress section and they had the dress I had been eyeing. I asked Nick if he liked it and he said yes. I grabbed it with a few others and went into the fitting room. I made Nick come in the fitting room with me cuz I was not gonna be able to zip any of the dresses on my own. He didn't like the one I liked he said it was too tight that I needed a bigger size... WAIT DID HE REALLY SAY THAT... yes he did. I had PMS and was pissed at him for suggesting I get a bigger size when I knew the bigger one would be too big. I was bloated and it would fit better in a few days. I personally thought it was cute. He says to me in the fitting room why does the size matter? Really Nick... size is the most important thing to a woman. I got a bit pissy with him got my clothes on and got the bigger size. He also picked out this other dress for me to try on. I tried the one that he picked and of course he loved it. I decided to get a third opinion so I went out to the sales lady and asked her what she thought. She said it was ok. I got back into the fitting room and I told him I thought the dress looked matronly. I tried the bigger one on and it was too big like I thought. I put the original one on and went out to the sales lady and her eyes lite up she said Ohhhhh yes that is it... it makes you pop! She also said the other one makes you look matronly! Us woman we know what we are talking about! I got the deal of the century on it too! I love that Nick even came with me which is more than most men would do LOL. I am excited for the wedding but not excited to see my sister's husband... I refuse to call him my brother in law! I hope he doesn't do anything to ruin the wedding but I just have that feeling that he won't be able to keep his drunk mouth shut. I will simply walk away from him.

Happy Sweetest day to everyone and enjoy your weekend!

Perspective

I have not blogged in awhile just because life is so busy for me always! I miss it but truly sometimes I just don't know how to put things into words. Lately I have been trying to concentrate on my perspective about life. I guess there is alot of truth to the saying "life is what you make it" I am learning that I tend to be an overthinker. It is horrible because I am always thinking one step ahead of where I actually am. I have taken a few steps back and learned to look at the Fall colors for what they are... beautiful! Not look at them and think OMG I hate the drearyness of Fall and Winter. I am gonna learn to embrace it with a different attitude. I tend to come off in person as a postive person but there is always that little negative bitch that lives inside me. I am trying to overcome that.

School started here about a month ago for the twins and a few weeks ago for Dom. The twins are juniors this year and Dom is in his 2nd year of college. I enjoy these years with the kids even tho they can make you crazy. Marco is doing great so far this year he seems to be real focused and is in the medical program at the high school. That boy amazes me! I am so in awe of him and everything he is overcoming. He started Weight Watchers 9 weeks ago and has to date lost 33 pounds. I am so freggen proud of him! I am his biggest fan. I have to sit back and change gears while parenting him tho because he is sometimes like a girl. It is kinda funny to me because never did I think I would be sharing face care tips with my son or sharing the same facial scrubs. Today when he left for school he was worried about his hair because it was raining... he put a grocery bag over his head to run out to the car. It is just funny to me... not in a I am laughing at him... more in a I am enjoying the person he is. I am proud! Marco is not in marching band this year makes me sad but it was his choice. Sarah is not in cheer this year either. This is the first year in about 7 years where I don't have kids in any type of sports and I gotta say I enjoyed it this summer. I am enjoying that we don't have to rush to get anyone where they need to go. Sarah has a new boyfriend that I just love. She is all giggly with him and it is cute. I have a feeling this is gonna be the long term boyfriend. They are very comfortable together and I am comfortable with her being with him. I am learning that I have taught her right and that I have to trust her decisions. She is 17... don't get me wrong I am not throwing her out to the wolves at all... mama is still being mama just learning to let go and let her make her decisions. She is a good girl! Dom well I am trying to teach him about this world we live in, that people aren't always nice and you don't always get your way. He is working hard and going to school doing what he is supposed to do but he is still learning how to be an adult. We have talks or should I say lectures about the importance of him paying his car insurance... they just don't get it. He is learning tho. He is becoming a nice young man. He works at a department store now in customer service. Marco and I went shopping there the other day and the person that waited on us asked if Marco was Dom's brother... Marco said yes... she replied what a nice young man Dom is... Mama smiled real big! I guess what I am saying is my kids are doing good not PERFECT... but good and I am learning to understand their positions and have more compassion for them instead of trying to make everything PERFECT!

Nick is busy at work. I guess the marriage thing is kinda the same... not always blazing happy but content and know that marriage is a roller coaster sometimes. When I go to bed at night I know that I would not want anyone else laying next to me. I love and adore him! It doesn't mean I am always happy with him but I couldn't ask for a better husband.

My niece is getting married in a month and we are taking a trip to northern Michigan for the wedding. My sister had her shower at the end of August and I went. My sister never tried to talk to me or even look at me for that fact. That HURT! I just went along with the day like it didn't bother me but it did. I am so happy for my niece she is marrying a great guy and into a great family. I will not let my sister ruin this day for me at all!

I hope everyone is doing good!

OMG gonna scream

I just lost a whole post... you have got to be kidding me! It was a great one too dammit! I am pissed! I don't have time to redo it so here are the pictures from it and I will have to try to recap it another day. I think I screwed it up with the back to back post about 9/11. Have a good one!

9-11-2001

One more thing... please say a prayer and remember everyone who lost their lives and their families on this tragic day. I remember it like it was yesterday and how devestated I was. Very sad day in history.

Renaming this blog

I think I may rename this blog to Marco's blog since it is about him all the time. I was just looking back at the last post that I did and it was almost exactly a month ago! I don't know what is going on with my child... I think someone stole him! I want my old child back. I was at work yesterday Marco called he said I did something stupid today... I said what? he said I took a pair of shorts from Jc Penney's I said yeah right I will talk to you when I get home. I totally thought he was joking. The phone rang again... it was him he said mom you have to come and get me... I said where he said the mall. I then realized he was not joking. I said let me talk to someone there... this female voice got on the phone and said we are waiting for the police you can come get your son at the loss prevention center! I felt numb... totally numb. I was shocked! I looked at the people I work with and said I have to go! I called his dad on the way we talked both shocked! I was telling myself all the way there don't yell... don't yell when you get in there. I walked in Jc Penney's feeling like the worst mom in the world and I quietly said to the lady... where is the loss prevention center... she said I will tell them your here. I walked in the room where he was and the lady said to me can you verify this information... I looked down and it was all my private information and his dads. I said why do you need this... she said we need it to get his birth certificate... some people pretend they are the parents and really aren't. At that moment I lost it... I was yelling at him and asking why??? what the hell were you thinking??? He just sat there blank with nothing to offer me. He stole a $46.00 pair of shorts. Went into the fitting room, took off the ones he was wearing, put the new ones on and left his old ones in the fitting room. We had to wait awhile for the Police to come because it is obviously not an emergency and I understand that. The guy finally said to me... I give you credit... I said why... he said most parents come in here and blame the store. I was shocked!!! Really your kid gets caught shoplifting and you have the nerve to blame the store? I would never! The cop finally came and explained that he is gonna be prosecuted. We walked out of the mall and I told Marco sit in the back seat I can't even look at you right now. I could not bring myself to look at him. His dad was mad but not as mad as me. In fact, he gave him his phone and just took away texting and grounded him for a month. I on the other hand have not even thought about his punishment yet. Today was his last day of school and it is supposed to be a day of fun and celebration. I love their last day of school. Sarah is out swimming with her friends and going to a shaving cream party tonight. He will be sitting home with me because he makes stupid choices. I am not gonna lie my heart is broken. I just wonder what is next if anything. I always hear from him I am on the right track now. That means nothing to me because I heard it May 18th and here we are again. I just wonder what the hell goes thru his head to make him do this stuff. I thank God every day for his grace and mercy he shines down on me because I would not be able to get thru this without it. I will continue to pray for my son and me.

When I got to work today they asked what was wrong yesterday when I left and I told them. I don't hide anything. A little while ago one of the guys I worked with said are you gonna hire an attorney to get him off... I said seriously? I said no why in the world would I want to do that they have him on tape stealing what kind of defense would I have to that. That is what is wrong with this world... it bothers me. Nobody is accountable for their actions. It makes me sick.

Teenagers

I love my kids with all my heart! I have always been that mom that always gets right into them. I guess you could say I am like a big kid. My dad was that way with us and I seemed to have carried the tradition on LOL. When Dom was in high school I seriously didn't have any problems with him other than him being mouthy every once in awhile. He went to school, got good grades, did his homework and never broke a curfew. I got lucky with him because the twins are different. Sarah gets good grades and pretty much does what she is supposed to do. The only problem I have with her is the girl issues... ya know when they can't have their own way! Marco on the other hand, this child is me thru and thru. He is alot more adventurous and daring than the other two. He has had a rough year and frankly so have I. It started in the beginning of the year with his phone getting taken away several times, then he got a D on his progress report, asked to go to counseling in December and found out he was gay a few months ago. It just seems one thing after another with him. Sunday night he came home from a bike ride and said he had to talk to me. We went into my bedroom and he started crying. I was like WTH is it now? He told me that he smoked pot a few months ago. I asked why are you telling me this now and why didn't you tell me when you did it? He said he was gonna but just couldn't do it. I went into the long conversation of how you never know what your getting and you could die from trying a drug once. I told him I needed to process this and for him to go to his room. In the meantime, Dom came home to tell me the same thing. That is why Marco told me because his brother found out and was gonna tell me. It is not the smoking pot that is so bothersome to me it is what may come after that. Is he gonna try something else and get addicted. I seriously worry about this child. He did tell me he hated the way it made him feel and would never do it again. I don't know that I necessarily believe that. I wanna believe it but I just don't know. I ended up taking his phone and his computer. I told him life as he knew it was over... it is now different because he broke the trust issue I had with him. I told him it would take a long time to build that trust again. I was looking at him last night sitting in the chair and I wanted to cry. The kid just wants to fit in and I totally understand that but this is not the way to fit it. He has a great personality but why can't he see that? Why can't he see he doesn't need drugs to fit in? He just wants to belong! I hope and pray he finds it within himself to belong without having to change who he is. I pray for him to get a better self confidence so that he doesn't feel so pressured by his peers. I aslo pray for me to be able to give him what he needs to succeed. I love him and will do whatever it takes to get him thru these ackward years.

Vegas and anxiety

I have had anxiety issues my whole sometimes it is worse than others. The last few years it has been really bad I am not sure why. When Nick said we were going to Vegas for his work my anxiety went to an all-time high. The mere fact that I had never been there was the main factor. I am ok going somewhere if I have been there before but the unknown is when my anxiety goes out of control. I prayed and prayed for it to go away. I was mainly nervous because I have not flew in 15 years. I have flew quite a few times but not in a long time. As the day approached so did my anxiety and with each day it got worse. I was literally planning on the plane crashing. That is how bad it was! I kept telling myself your gonna be fine... but there is always that what if? I guess sometimes I could what if myself to death. We got to the airport and I seemed to be calmer that is until I heard our plane broke and it would be a 5 hour delay. I started to freak out thinking WTF are they gonna put us on a broken plane. I was sure we were gonna crash after hearing that. I started asking Nick if that is what their plan was to put us on a broken plane. He said Hunny I don't think so. We sat, waited and waited. Finally, I said to him lets go somewhere instead of sitting here and waiting. We left the airport to get something to eat and hang out until it was almost time for us to go. I was thrilled to be out of the airport for awhile. Then the time came again for us to go back and I could feel my heart racing. We boarded the plane and OMG I was so anxious I was grinding my teeth. The plane started to take off and I just kept telling myself it is gonna be fine! The truth is it was fine and I didn't relax the whole flight but it was fine. We had a great time in Vegas and I could kick myself in the ass for making myself miserable for weeks before this trip. How is it that now I can look back and see how stupid it was but at the time you just can't stop yourself? One of the girls we were traveling with took a Zanax and I was comtemplating taking one even tho I never have LOL. Vegas is beautiful but I don't know that I would go back again. Way too crowded and busy for me. I like to relax when I am gone on the beach somewhere. I didn't sleep more than 13 hours in 4 days. I was exhausted when I got home I slept like 14 hours straight and I am still not caught up on my sleep. I guess it will take days for that to happen.

I hope everyone is doing well and I wish everyone a Happy Mothers Day!