blah

I know I post about Marco being gay and time is healing I am praying for grace and mercy... I am still not anywhere near what I need to be. This Saturday Nick had to work a home show so he was gone most of the day. I woke up at like 8:00 and Colleen called and asked me to go to breakfast with her so I did. I got up put the ole hat on, brushed my teeth, put my raggiest jeans I could find on and out the door I went. I looked horrible! I didn't care tho sometimes you just have to do it. After breakfast Sarah wanted to go return something at the mall. I picked her up and we were off. I noticed the night before that my deodorant was in the bathroom and I never use it in the bathroom. I always have it in my room. I didn't think anything of it I just thought that maybe Sarah used it. In the car I asked her if she used it and she said no... she said she did notice it on the counter tho along with my body spray. I was like what I didn't even notice the body spray????? I was really bothered by this because it is powder fresh scented deodorant which is weird for anyone other than a girl to wear. Right away I thought of Marco. I asked him when we got home if he used it and immediately said no. Someone used it and I am a little freaked out about it. See these are things that I am not used to yet. I was thinking fine if he wants that type of deodorant then I will buy it but how many moms ever think they will be sharing their deodorant with the boys? Not many LOL. These are the things I am trying to deal with. Sarah and I talked while we shopped and we are both bothered by it... not him... but it. So I was asking her if maybe she wanted to go to counseling for us and she said yes. I think I may just do that. Then I thought there has to be a support group somewhere around me that deals with things like this so I am checking into that. I NEED IT! I love my son with all my heart and I don't ever want him to feel anything other than loved and accepted. I need to work on me is all.