I love my mom!

I went to visit my mom last night at the nursing home. She was sitting so cute in her wheel chair in the dining room watching Marley and Me. There were about 6 other people in there with her. She was excited to see me as she always is. I go see her alot and every time she is so excited to see me. She introduces me to everyone again for the 100th time LOL. I always say mom I met them before but she says so proud this is my baby girl! I love my mom she was always my best friend. When I was single she was my saving grace as she didn't work so she was always there when I needed her. She watched the kids in the summer for me when they were younger. She loves my kids so much that I can't even explain. We always took vacations together. When she had her stroke I was devastated! I had to be the adult for her. I had to worry about taking care of her not her taking care of us. I mean not that she took care of us literally but she was just always there when I was down and needed someone to talk to. I had to find a nursing home for her to go to. After her stroke she was very depressed which is common for stroke patients. I tried so hard to make her happy with anything I could think of but nothing worked. She still has never got past the fact that she had a stroke. I had to learn to love a new and different mom. I had to say good bye to the mom I had known my whole life. I had such a difficult time doing this and accepting the way my mom was and is now. It took alot of time and I don't know if I am still there yet. I still want my old mom back. I miss the laughing, goofy times and just hanging out with my mom. My kids miss her terrible. When Sarah's BF broke up with her I called my mom and told her to give Sarah a call. She called Sarah and started crying because she wants to be there to hold her when stuff like this happens. She told Sarah I wish Grandma was with you right now. I told Sarah you know damn well if Grandma could she would of came over and took you shopping and to lunch. It just hurts sometimes. For the most part I have accepted it but I still yearn for my other mom. The hardest part is to see her at the nursing home because she still does have her mental ability she is just paralyzed on her left side. Most of the people in the nursing home don't even know who they are. It is hard for her to try to find someone to talk to because of this. Last night as we sat and visited there was a lady sitting at her table and she had no clue where she was and why she was there. She kept asking me if it was raining out when I came. I said no. She said because I have to walk home and I don't have an umbrella. I was so sad for her. Imagine not knowing where you are and why your there. My mom gets frustrated with these people because they ask the same questions over and over. So sometimes she tells them to shut up and is not always nice. I understand but at the same time feel sorry for everyone in there. It is just hard. I do believe that is where alot of my frustration comes from with my sister. She does not have the time of day for my mom. I have to listen to my mom cry because of her and this was before she had her stroke too. I guess some things never change.